Reviews of Virginia Woolf and Henry Miller

I was going to wait a little bit to post some more silly book reviews, but these entries from Lauren Scotto are too good to delay.

All reviews were taken from amazon.com (go figure) Tropic of Cancer - Miller The first review is short and sweet. I am not sure this needs an introduction, other than to point out the best book reviews are usually the ones where the reader takes the time to read past page 4. Also, doesn't the misspelling of "disgusting" look almost Freudian? This is not a good book, AT ALL., Jun 17 2004 By A Customer This book is one of the worst books I have ever seen. I got to about page 3-4, and I didn't read any more. It offends women, it's discusting. This is a book I would not read if you gave it to me. The next reviewer seems to be more of a Miller fan than he is a fan of the novel itself. I learned that Miller is cool, unlike "joyce and pound and those fools". Also, Miller is wordy but "damn good at it". So good in fact that the reviewer will not even speak to anyone who has not read the book. I'm not sure I understand the part of the review that states, "he's one of the only writers you can read while starving and not getting all that much" but I can overlook it because the public service announcement at the end of the review feels really heartfelt. henry miller rocks!, Feb 27 2004 By RIZZOB "Rizzob" (People's Repubic of Earth) - See all my reviews henry miller is the best american writer of the 20th century. fitzgerald had more raw talent but miller used more of his. he abandons linear narrative and uses associative devices instead. he didn't read all that much, compared to joyce and pound and those fools, so his word choice is a little exotic at times, and he's wordy too, but he's damn good at it. i won't even talk to anyone now who hasn't read this book. miller makes it feel good again to feel sorry for yourself. he's one of the only writers you can read while starving and not getting all that much. read everything he's written, then go out and get drunk, but don't drive. Mrs. Dalloway - Woolf According to Kevin Golden, Mrs. Dalloway is the worst book ever written - and he should know evidenced by the typo of Woolf. Maybe I'm a stickler, but I firmly believe when reviewing a book, the reviewer should take careful pains to correctly spell the author's name. Clearly more disturbing is the idea of reanimation: "Virginia Wolf has been dead for quite some time now. Let us pray to God she stays that way..." Mr. Golden has a lot of scathing one-liners and one can practically hear him shouting ZING! I had to include this review because it's the first time I have ever seen someone claim a book to be worse than AIDS. Poor, poor Mrs. Dalloway. The review is oddly rousing, as if he's trying to start an undergraduate revolution of anti-canonical reading. Join together! Burn every sentence Wolf ever wrote! WORST BOOK EVER WRITTEN, May 6, 2005 By Kevin Golden The only good thing to say about this "literary" drivel is that the person responsible, Virginia Wolf, has been dead for quite some time now. Let us pray to God she stays that way as we, the people, all work together to make sure that no future generations ever have to read this nonsense again. Lets burn every sentence she ever penned to end all the unneccesary suffering that curious readers have to go through when they first pick up "Mrs. Dalloway." Aside from being dreadfully boring, might I add that it is also terribly written? Thats right, you heard me. The narrative reads like the inner thoughts of a sugar crazed autistic kid with ADD in the middle of a carnival. Stream of conscience you say? Groundbreaking prose? Get off your high horse you pathetic first year English students and admit, THIS BOOK IS WORSE THAN AIDS! You should not feel compelled to like it just because your professor tells you how brilliant it is.